*Spoliers. Dont read if you haven't seen the end of this season's The Bachelorette.I used to hate everything about The Bachelor and The Bachelorette. Without ever watching the show, I judged it to be stupid, demeaning and probably as scripted as Keeping up with the Kardashians, though with better actors.Then I accidentally sat down and watched an early episode of this season's The Bachelorette, and I have to say, wow. It is every bit as vapid, as annoying and as fake as I predicted, but what I didn't see coming was the pure awesomeness hidden on the show.I'm not interested in what goes on on-screen. It's great when the guys cry or Emily has a meltdown or someone mocks her child, but it's what we don't see that I enjoy the most. I like to imagine what is going through the heads of each contestant, and most importantly, Emily, while the competition is going on.My favourites are the guys who are clearly there for the game. They want to see how far they can get into Emily's heart and how far they can get into the competition. These are the competitive guys who want to win more than they want a wife. They're heartless, ruthless and sometimes, very convincing actors. I really like them.With this is mind, if I want on The Bachelor, I would definitely be the girl that the audience hates passionately. Not to say I'm mean-spirited, against love or anything like that. I just think some of the contestants get too wrapped up in finding the right person; they forget that they're on a freakin' reality TV show. This isn't real life. You aren't going to stay together. Might as well really live it up.So I think "The Bachelor: Survivor Style" would be a lot of fun. I'd be the one in there making alliances, sabotaging the front-runners and being sweet as pie to the man whose affections I was trying to win. When the other girls ratted me out for being spiteful and mean, it would be too late! He'd be so far in love that he'd believe my puppy-dog eyes and fake tears.Victory! Romantic TV proposal! Tabloid covers for months!Just kidding. While I would mess with the other contestants, I'm not quite vicious enough to purposely break some poor guy's heart. If he didn't kick me off the show before the final set of rose ceremonies, I'd confess my wicked ways and excuse myself. Nothing like showing a little emotion, a little conscience and exiting on a positive note.If I was The Bachelorette, I'd play it a bit different. All those cruel punishments that Emily submitted the guys to this season, like meeting her friends or playing with kids, or choosing the loser of competitions for one-on-one dates, I'd totally be doing that, only at a higher level. Meet kids? Sure, but one of them is my imaginary daughter and I'm not going to point her out, so you'd better be careful! I'd also introduce them to friends that I don't actually like, just to see if they would be polite and attentive to the crazies I've known and tried to de-friend throughout my life.In the end, I'd probably have the winner picked from day one, just like Emily has had a thing for Arie since their first date. You just have something with some people, and despite having to go through months of meeting and being interested in other guys, there's still going to be the one who first caught your attention.By the way, I know that Emily chooses Jeff. I haven't had time to see the end of the season, but I do know this. And having not seen the season finale, I still maintain that she has a thing for Arie.Tonaya Marr isn't as mean-spirited as she comes across in this column. Nor will she ever be on a reality TV show, mostly because there aren't a lot of Canadian options. Anyway, send Tonaya an e-mail at [email protected] or tweet her @TonayaMarr.
