It takes a few years, but if you hang around long enough and actually listen to politicians and their brief case carriers, you begin to learn the lingo. Spend a few more years inspecting the trenches, and you catch on to the nuances of the strange language they speak.
There are hidden messages in the messages, if you catch my drift dear diary.
What they say, and what they think, are slightly different, or often, completely different.
Let me give you a few examples.
When it comes to pre-election posturing and then an actual campaign, if you happen to be living in what they refer to as a "possible swing riding," what it really means is that you'll see a lot of money being spent by the government in your riding leading up to the election writ being dropped. I think that is such a funny phrase I can't imagine what a dropped and squashed writ looks like.. Anyway, what you'll also see are a lot of lawn signs proclaiming the virtues of the nominated candidates.
When a politician refers to his "base support," he or she is talking about the folks who give their campaign a lot of money with the expectation of favours in the future. Hey, it's how democracy works man!
If the politician complains that another politician and his team "are spending taxpayers' money in a senseless and reckless fashion," what he really means, is that they're building a bunch of stuff somewhere else, not in his constituency, and he's not happy.
When one politician calls another politician a fence sitter, what it really means is that he's irritated with the fact that the other guy is actually listening to both sides of the argument, even though he knows his side is obviously the correct one.
If a politician accuses the other of riding the "gravy train," what he really means is that the other politician is getting more donor support. Or the other guy is getting appointed to the senate, and he's not. Again, he's not pleased.
When a politician accuses the other of using spin doctors to deliver his message, what he is saying is that the other guy's speech writers are better than his.
If a politician says he wants to give the issue of the month a "free and open debate," what he really means is that "we'll give it 15 minutes on the House of Commons floor on Friday afternoon when nobody else is around to hear your ridiculous proposal."
What about the spouting of "unfair political advantage?"
That's simple. He's pointing out that the other guy comes from a province that has more seats in the House of Commons. It can also mean that the other guy is from Alberta.
When a politician takes the supposed high road, touting "principled foreign policy," what he really means is "you're on your own (name a foreign country), and besides we're out of cash."
When a politico spouts the phrase about "regional economic interests," he's really saying, "give us a reason to give you money so we can buy your votes."
And finally, any "multilateral agreement," actually translates into something like, "someone else wanted in on the deal and we couldn't stop them because they're bigger and smarter than us."
So you see dear diary, it's all in the translation.
What the politicians really mean
