The end of winter is near and with that starts the playoff season in sports such as curling, hockey and skating.
Over the years as my children have grown, I have noticed a switch in attitude when it comes to the importance of winning. A new focus on participating in a particular event has become more important than the score at the end of the game. I think this has a definite advantage especially to the younger children who do not have the maturity to process that winning isn't simply good and losing isn't simply bad. It is a much broader issue than that.
Children can benefit at an early age from having the joy of participating in a sport without the entire focus being the end result of the game. What worries me most about the radical shift in perspective towards sports is how far in the opposite direction we have gotten. It seems to me at an appropriate age, the idea of winning or losing a game can be introduced. Why is it so unfair for one team to win, one to lose? What are we teaching our children if they can't have a healthy self-esteem unless they win? So what, if one hockey team is stronger? That doesn't take away from the fact that your player worked hard and did their best.
My son’s hockey team played one of the best games of their little seven year-old lives last weekend. It was a win FOR THEM. Those kids worked hard and played their best. They earned the right to move to the semi final, which we are anticipating to be a 20 - 0 blowout, and not for our team. So, we won't win. They had a great year. They made it to this point. The other team is simply stronger and that's okay. Every person and every team is at a different level.
Perhaps rather than focusing on the final score, we can focus on the wins along the way for the team. Although we won't win top of the league, our players were still successful in their own way. Some learned how to raise the puck, some learned how to play their position and some grasped the idea of off-side.
It is not healthy for our children to be threatened by another player or another entire team for having skills we haven't mastered yet (or just may never) or for performing stronger. What are we teaching our children? That we need to take away the WIN from someone who deserved it just for us to feel better about ourselves? The other team is full of great little hockey players and if those were our children winning would we have a different view? A healthier way to approach would be to teach our children to appreciate qualities in another player. Someone else can be really good at something without it being detrimental to their self-esteem.
In fact, we can teach our children to look up to people who win as a way to learn, and improve.
Life is a playing ground. Whether it be on the soccer field, at the hockey rink or the local science fair.
People win and people lose. We need to teach our children to do both well.
