How weird was my weekend?
Well, let me tell ya.
Once again I managed to excel at procrastination. I do it well. Just don't tell the bride. The chances are though that after 36 years of married bliss, she's probably figured that out as one of my weaknesses, but you never know, she might still be oblivious to the fact I have a knack for ducking.
So allow me to relate my foray into the fairy-tale land of "doing something positive."
Saturday dawned bright, clear and mild, so I had to forget about the "it's too cold to do anything" excuse I've been using for the past 183 days to avoid exertion. I certainly did my share of snow shovelling by hand this winter, so it's not as if I've been shirking all duties. But by the time November rolled in, I ruled out even a feeble attempt at keeping a trail blazed through the backyard.
I checked the backyard on Saturday, the first time in three months. I spotted my barbecue and picnic table, so I knew I was on the right track. I also found the old scoop snow shovel I had so purposely placed near the back door, and used it for the second time since October to shovel eight loads of heavy, dirty snow from the shaded areas out into the sunny side. One job done.
I viewed the broken slats on my front fence. Can't replace them now. Too wet and besides I have no fence mending skills.
There was a section of the front yard that was free of snow and begged to be raked with a whole pile of winter debris left over by the trees, squirrels and birds of winter. The only problem was the fact that I had left the rake out in the backyard against the wall of the house last October, next to a garbage bag half filled with autumn debris. I was meaning to return to the raking job, but my neighbour's call to join him and the Bacardi family for a fall festival on his porch meant I abandoned the rake in an akimbo position. Then it snowed for the next 84 days and the rake got buried and forgotten, until last Saturday. I looked out the dining room window and spotted the top of the rake and decided to fetch it so I could rake the front yard. Trouble is, the bottom end of the rake was still frozen in ice and half buried in snow. To move it would be to break it.
So forget that idea.
Good time to clean the winter leftovers from the shed. Oops, shed doors still frozen shut. Back boulevard still too muddy. Old rusty Jeep won't start after sitting too long in neglected state, so couldn't take it out for a good wash. Newer Jeep got washed last week and was back to nasty mess in less than two hours, so why bother!
But the sun was out, I had to do something outside! Garden hose was in the shed that couldn't be opened.
Oh well, I had a book inside that needed to be finished. I could open the blinds real wide, sit in the sun and read. At least I'd be developing my creative side, wouldn't I? Even if it were at the expense of my physical side. Passive or physical, work at office. I had to choose.
Then of course along came Sunday and it was just too windy to do anything productive even though the ice cube rake may have thawed a bit ... I wasn't about to check it out. You can't rake when wind exceeds 40 km/h, we all know that!
There will always be a next weekend. Maybe the snowdrifts will be all gone. If so, I'll dream up some other excuse.
Hey, I'm not proud of this confession, ya know, but I do believe in complete transparency with this column.
