I recently read a string of words that had to be the most absurd sentence in the history of the English language. "Justin Bieber's monkey in quarantine in Germany." It's the kind of thing that raises more questions than anything else. Why does Bieber have a monkey? Why is it in quarantine? Why is it in Germany? Every element deserves questioning, because it's just an inherently ridiculous thing to have happened.
The actual story is less interesting than the headline, since the pop star didn't have proper documentation for the monkey. It's a story that exists for three reasons, one of which is the sheer absurdity of the situation. The other two are human beings' perpetual desire to see pictures of adorable animals, and a certain desire to take down the decadence of a wealthy pop star. While I appreciate the absurdity and respect the desire to see something adorable, it's the third that kind of bothers me.
In the same way that Dr. Frankenstein dug up various body parts to assemble his monster, we as a society dug up a young man from an online video service. We struck him with a lightning bolt of fame and allowed him to sing songs for young girls. Now, horrified at our creation, we set about destroying him, for the good of humanity.
To be fair, the kid has done some profoundly stupid things, far beyond the monkey business that has prompted this most absurd of sentences. But then again, he's also in his late teens, the age where most people do incredibly stupid things. Being on the cusp of adulthood brings out a certain unbreakable confidence, which inevitably leads to doing something incredibly stupid. Not helping matters, of course, is the easy availability of alcohol and possibly other drugs and sudden freedom from parental authority that comes with being on your own for the first time. Soon you do something profoundly stupid that you don't exactly want to print because your mother might be reading. I was even relatively good.
Now, take that, and apply it to a kid that has been a pop star for most of his teenage years. He'll have all the money in the world to buy monkeys with, easy access to something much more potent than a bottle of Goldschlager and the increased confidence that comes with not only selling millions of records, but also being surrounded by people that are on his payroll. Think of the dumb things you did as a teenager, then think of all the things that you could have done if you had millions of dollars in the bank. Of course he's going to do something stupid, we have accidentally made a perfect storm of teenage idiocy.
I feel bad for the kid. Fame is a machine that amplifies what is natural when you're young, stupid and not completely aware of any potential consequences to your actions. However, instead of destroying the monster we created, we need to recognize that it's our fame-obsessed society that's mostly to blame for it. Young stars rarely fare well, and it should be the responsibility of their labels and agents to prepare them for the sudden rush of fame and fortune. As absurd as it seems, maybe they need to hire a friend, someone who is there to tell them when they're being stupid, stop them from buying monkeys and keep them on the straight and narrow. Something to stop more broken child stars from happening.
