Last week I kind of panicked as after saying I thought the NHL lockout was still at a dead end the owners and players gave everyone false hope and it seemed as if a miracle in New York was achieved and that hockey would be back. Sadly that was not the case, and I didn't have to eat my words as more games through December 30th have been cancelled and the most we will get out of the NHL is a 48 game season at this point, if that. Barring progress Wednesday when the NHL and the NHLPA resume talks (and if they come to terms this column is going to look really, really, useless in hindsight) things look hopeless heading into the Christmas season and the new year.
So seeing as everyone is going to have to accept defeat and assimilate to a life without hockey, I give you; How to Survive the NHL Lockout: For Dummies.
Step one: Reality. The first step to surviving the NHL Lockout is admitting that the NHL is not coming back. Fehr and Bettman don't like each other any more today than they did yesterday regardless of the false hope that the Sportsnet and TSN hockey insiders give you. Remember the first lockout? If both sides have dragged it out this far, it will take something just shy of divine intervention to make them both agree on a new CBA.
Step two: New hobbies. Not having Hockey Night in Canada is a huge bummer, I know I miss Coaches Corner and seeing the Leafs lose the first game of the doubleheader as much as the next person. But, as in step one reality is we are going to have to deal with filling our Saturday nights with sports that aren't hockey for awhile. CTV's Big Bang Theory re-run block is nauseating and I highly suggest you don't waste your time on that, but college football bowl season is on its way to save us all from our Saturday night insanity. Going outside and not watching sports is also recommended, but that is a severe last resort for those not addicted to sports viewing.
Step three: Convincing yourself this year's World Juniors will be the best ever.
This is mainly a step to appease the folks at TSN, who have pretty much cashed in all of their chips on the Hockey Canada gravy train during this lockout (they have not reached step two yet) and try to convince yourself that this crop of World Junior teams will make up for the fact that there is no hockey. Good phrases to use include: "Have you seen Canada's blueline options yet? Wow." "I can't believe Ryan Nugent-Hopkins is going to be our first line center" "There is no way we don't beat the Russians this year" etc. etc. Suggested phrases NOT to use include "I really don't want to wake up at four am to watch Canada-Germany on Boxing Day" Anything involving Malcom Subban being drafted late to the Bruins in this years draft, Ryan Murray's shoulder, or the fact that the Russians are hosting the tournament and have a team that has a lot of CHL and KHL talent themselves.
Step four: Find your fix. This step is kind of like step three, but different. Well the World Juniors are a great distraction, they are only here for the holidays. For those who need a permanent hockey fix there is still hockey to be watched live and on the television. Sportsnet has turned their CHL national schedule up a notch, the Pats and Blades can satisfy those who want to watch live NHL prospects, and Junior A hockey is also there. Fans of foreign announcers and odd looking jerseys can also try to find streams of European games to catch some of their favorite NHL players who have jumped the ship.
Step five: Unfollow Bob McKenzie on twitter. Seriously do it. Hockey insiders right now are only going to get your hopes up, then crush them swiftly after. Often in the same hour. If you want to keep your sanity you need to start avoiding false hope. Unless you see Gary Bettman on a podium saying hockey is back, don't react.
There you have it, five simple guidelines for avoiding losing your mind during this hard time for hockey fans. Fall in love with a different sport, catch local events, support anything that isn't this joke of a lockout. And hey, maybe Santa will be nice to you this winter and give you a Christmas miracle of 48 regular season games and playoffs that end four days before Canada Day. Either way, it is shaping up to be a long winter for Canadians, just try to bear it.
