This is a good time to take stock of how far you have come since the death of your loved one. You have made it this far in spite of the hardships you had to endure, and that in itself is a milestone. Congratulations!
This has not been an easy road, but you made it this far! As you remember the anniversary of the death of your loved one, this may be a bitter sweet time, tinged with sadness and heart aching pains that bring tears to your eyes; emotions which you thought were already behind you. You have this hope of better days to come, but today, the anniversary of the loss of a loved one has uprooted many triggers of emotions.
Do not expect others to remember this as a special anniversary date - The general public seem to forget so quickly- and if they do remember, most people will not say anything to you, as they do not want to remind you of your sadness and loss. This is a good time to remind friends and families that you need their love and support.
Honour your loved one's memory. You may have arranged for a memorial service, you may go out to the grave site by yourself or with family, plant a tree, sponsorthe church bulletin, place flowers in church, write a letter to your loved one, or donate to a charity that your loved one supported. The possibilities of memorializing your loved ones memory are endless; choose what you would like to do.
Telling and retelling your story of loss is a way to keep the memory of your loved one alive. It is well to remember the joyful times as well as the times of disappointments - you are human and your relationships were human. In sharing these memories you begin to heal.
Honour yourself and your life. You have made it this far, whether it is the first anniversary of your loved one's death, the tenth or fiftieth.
Thank God for the time you shared and for the memories you carry in your heart. Allow yourself to move to new experiences and new joys. Plan ahead. You may want to book a vacation, move to another location, begin a new relationship or have coffee with an old friend.
In a Native American prayer, we remember the short time the Great Spirit has loaned us this special person. We give thanks for the days we shared, rejoicing in knowing that their legacy still lives on in us:
"The best gift you can give yourself on this anniversary is the gift of healing and growth and moving forward."
Margaret Anne Yost nursed for 35 years, working mostly on medical floors. She has journeyed with many clients who were dying, and she tried to comfort their families during this difficult time. She has completed two units of Clinical Pastoral Education.
Returning back to school she completed classes from the Red River College in the areas of Gerontology, Bereavement, Death and Dying. She was enrolled eight years in lay ministry training. At present, she enjoys her role at St. Paul Lutheran Church in Yorkton in the area of parish work. For the past ten years she has also been employed at Bailey's Funeral Home working in the area of Continuing Care.
Comments and articles may be forwarded by mail to: Margaret Anne Yost, P.0. Box 554 Melville, Sask. S0A 2P0
Or phone 1-306-621-9877 (9 am-5 pm) or at home 1-306-728-4744 (evenings).
