Going back a few decades ago this would have been an outrageous question. Today it is a question some families are asking, "Why do we need a funeral service anyway?" The funeral service is a tradition that has developed over time to serve the needs, not only of the deceased, but for the living as well. A funeral service can be a source of comfort for you, your family and friends. It is the first step on the road to recovery from your grief.
There are milestones in your lives that you want to remember: Birthdays celebrate the growing years. Baptism celebrates the welcoming into God's church family. Weddings celebrate when two people publicly vow love and commitment to each other as husband and wife. A funeral service is also a milestone: A person has lived and was loved and has made an impact on the family. The person that died is worth honouring and remembering. A funeral is a public expression of your beliefs, thoughts and feelings and offers hope for the living. It helps you acknowledge the reality of a death, and allows you to honour to the life of the deceased.
Some well known authors like Theresa Rondo, Dr. Allan Wolfelt and Helen Fitzgerald identify both psychological and sociologic benefits for a funeral:
A funeral confirms and reinforces the reality of a death.
It allows survivors to express their feelings of loss. A funeral service is a safe place to express tears and sadness.
It gives family, friends and the community the opportunity to offer sympathies, support and comfort in the days ahead.
Funeral services can bring closure and a time to say "Goodbye."
It is the beginning of a healing process. It helps the bereaved re-integrate back into the community.
A funeral service honours the life of the deceased and also allows you to celebrate the promise of life beyond death. It gives hope that one day we will be united with our loved ones in a place where illness and death will be no more. Through music, scripture, eulogies, and stories you allow grieving families to express their faith and their feelings.
A funeral service allows the grieving family to move forward in their pain. One slowly moves from the "head of understanding" to the "heart of understanding" the loss. Healthy grief means expressing your painful thoughts and feelings, and healthy funeral ceremonies allow us to do just that.
In the healing process you shift your thoughts from a living physical presence to one of recalling memories of the past. At a funeral service you can focus on the relationships you had with the deceased to one of sharing your precious memories.
You want to remember the person who died. At traditional funerals, the eulogy attempts to highlight the major events in the life of the deceased. The sharing of memories at the funeral service affirms the worth you have placed on the person who died, and allows you to legitimize your own pain.
The funeral reinforces one central fact of our very existence: We will all die. Like living, dying is a natural and unavoidable process. Thus the funeral helps us search for meaning in life. At a funeral you may also reflect on your own mortality.
Funerals provide comfort for the family and bring a community closer together during these difficult times. A funeral is a time when physical support can be shown; hugs given and embraces treasured.
If you care about the family that is grieving, you attend the funeral to bring this message of comfort. By your physical presence at a funeral you show your support for the family. In being with a grieving family you give them the comfort and the knowledge of knowing that they are not alone in their grief, and that you are willing to walk with them in their time of loss and pain.
"When words are inadequate, we have a ritual." - Anonymous
Margaret Anne Yost nursed for 35 years, working mostly on medical floors. She has journeyed with many clients who were dying, and she tried to comfort their families during this difficult time. She has completed two units of Clinical Pastoral Education.
Returning back to school she completed classes from the Red River College in the areas of Gerontology, Bereavement, Death and Dying. She was enrolled eight years in lay ministry training. At present, she enjoys her role at St. Paul Lutheran Church in Yorkton in the area of parish work. For the past ten years she has also been employed at Bailey's Funeral Home working in the area of Continuing Care.
Comments and articles may be forwarded by mail to: Margaret Anne Yost, P.0. Box 554 Melville, Sask. S0A 2P0
Or phone 1-306-621-9877 (9 am-5 pm) or at home 1-306-728-4744 (evenings).
