Submitted by Kaare Askildt, former Preeceville area farmer in training. This one of a series on getting settled in Hazel Dell.
I drove my wife to Wadena and put her on the bus to Wilkie. She'll be babysitting our granddaughter Casey while Justin is on his annual boys' only camping trip, and Jayne is working days at the hospital. Marion wanted to install the quarter mouldings at the top of the walls in the little niche in our bedroom before she left, but she ran out of time. We had moved the wall earlier, repaneled it and to finish it off, the mouldings had to go up. Well, I decided to surprise her and put them up myself. Now there is a challenge all by itself, as I suffer from vertigo, and am somewhat unbalanced (no, not my mind, my body). I measured out the first section, and cut it. I had intended to cut it a smidgen too long, so that it would "bind" at each end. However, I cut on the wrong side of my mark, and the moulding became a smidgen too small! Oh well, not to worry, I'll just use Elmer's Carpenter Glue and apply glue to the entire moulding on two sides and lots at each end. But before I applied the glue, I hammered a thin finishing nail at the midpoint part way into the moulding, so I could hammer it into the wall when the moulding was in position, which should hold it in place for the glue to set.
Hey! This is easy and is going to take no time at all! I positioned the moulding at the top of the wall, and carefully hammered in the nail. I let go of the moulding and was about to walk away when it dislodged and fell on my head! Of course by the time I got a hold of it, I had glue all over my hair. Two things caused this minor accident to happen. Firstly and probably most importantly, the nail was too short, and secondly the glue didn't set fast enough.
Duct tape! Aha! Why didn't I think of that before? I pulled the nail out, which caused the moulding to get glued to my hand. The glue was still soft, so I pulled the moulding away from my hand and cleaned the glue off both the moulding and my hand. Then I held it gingerly with my right hand and very carefully reapplied some more glue. I had already torn off two strips of duct tape, which I had tacked to my arm to be ready to secure the moulding. But I had ignored the fact that my arms are hairy, and it hurt like the dickens when I pulled the tape off! I had to let go of the moulding, which fell on my head and bounced on to the throw rug on the floor. Odin and Thor certainly heard my angry Norwegian utterances! I couldn't get the glue off the throw rug, so it lived up to its name and got thrown away.
I tore off two more strips of duct tape and tacked them on to the moulding, reapplied the glue, positioned it at the top of the wall, and taped it in place! Wiped the glue off the outside of the moulding with a rag, and after a bit of a struggle I was able to get the rag off my gluey hands and into the trash can. Then I went to wash my hair!
This Elmer's Carpenter Glue does not set as fast as they indicate in the instructions! When I went to pull the strips of duct tape off, the moulding came with them! I'll screw the mouldings on! Rummaging around in the odd screw and nail tin, I found some thin screws which I thought might do the trick. To be sure that the moulding would not split, I found a drill bit that was thinner than the screws, and another bit that was wider that the head of the screws. I drilled the holes in the mouldings, and then used the bigger bit to make sure the screw got counter sunk. Screwed the screws into the mouldings, and then one by one applied the glue, positioned them at the top of the walls, screwed in the screws and made sure the moulding was up snug and tight. There were two short and two long mouldings mounted when I was finished, I started at eight in the morning and screwed in the last moulding at seven in the evening! I teetered a couple of times on the step ladder, but I didn't fall! I covered up the screw heads with plaster, sanded them down and painted over them, and nobody can tell the difference! I think!
Sven asked Ole: "What's the difference between a bench, a fish, and a bucket of glue?"
Ole scratched his head, thought about it for a while, and said: "I give up, what is the difference?" Sven smiled and replied: "You can't tune a bench but you can Tuna fish!" Ole looked at Sven and said: "You confuse me, what about the glue?" Sven said: "Yep! I thought you'd get stuck on that!"
I know that when you mix flour and water you get glue. Right? But when you mix flour, water, eggs, and sugar you get cake. Right? And I used to wonder... "What happened to the glue?" Then I realized that the glue is what makes the cake stick to my butt!
