There I was sitting in front of my PC doing some work when an idea for a topic to write about entered my mind, ever so fleetingly. “That’s a good one,” I thought, “I can have fun with that!” I decided to finish what I was doing and get right on the topic. However, by the time I got around to it, I had forgotten what the topic was! And it won’t come back to me! You should know that I have a photographic memory, but it has never been developed! Maybe if I took my laptop computer for a run, it might jog my memory? My memory is like the memory of my PC, only I have forgotten the password!
Marion must have my password as she seems to be able to bring forth many of my pleasant memories. Me? I keep working on pushing electronic buttons. I tried pushing all of Marion’s buttons once, but I’ll never do that again! My TV, VCR and all the remotes have electronic buttons, as does my PC. Whenever I mess up, which is about every second day, my son Justin has to come and fix it. Then he shows me how to do it, but because I keep forgetting the password to the memories locked in my head, I mess up again. Or maybe I just keep doing the same thing because I enjoy his company. My memory is like….. never mind I said that already!
Marion is busy with renovations, and had contracted with plumbing and heating guys to come and replace the old furnace and hot water tank. Young guys less than half my age, they took one look at the old furnace and suggested to Marion that if she could get it out in one piece then a museum would likely pay good money for it. They installed the new furnace and hot water tank, and then the fun began for Marion to dismantle the old furnace. The first thing she noticed was the date the furnace was built. It was embossed on the solid cast iron small access door, and it showed the year “1952.” Boy that made me feel just great! The contractor had suggested that the old furnace belonged in a museum! What about me? I was made in 1943 and I’m therefore nine years older than the darn furnace! Does that make me an antique? Don’t you dare answer that question! Today is the oldest that I’ve ever been, yet the youngest I'll ever be, so I will enjoy this day while it lasts. You might not have thought of this, but in just two days from now, tomorrow will be yesterday.
The old furnace worked just fine until the gas was shut off. The gas was the fuel that kept it going. Me? I always made sure that I had more than enough fuel. Something I had worked hard on up until now: three square meals a day, but the difference between me and the furnace is that the furnace got just enough fuel to sustain itself. Me? I made sure to build up a reserve, thinking that I might need it later on. Boy was I wrong! My reserve became an extra burden, and almost cracked the scale!
A friend of mine had a problem with his arm, and went to a walk-in medical clinic. He told the doctor that his arm hurt in several places, and the doctor’s advice was to not go back to those places anymore!
Many years ago in Vancouver I saw an advertisement in large bold letters for a legal firm of Wright and Wong, and in small letters it said that if you picked Wright you wouldn’t be Wong, and if you picked Wong you would be Wright. Then we moved to Winnipeg where the local dairy trucks had big signs on them that said “You can whip our cream but you can’t beat our milk!” Apparently the dairy was bought up and the whole thing soured (don’t groan). There was a haberdasher in the mall, who displayed a sign above his tie rack that said, “Two silk worms had a race, they ended up in a tie!”
Many retail businesses will go out of their way to attract customers. A stationary store had a couple of signs in the window, one stated, “No matter how much you push the envelope, it is still stationary.” Right next to it there was another sign that said, “To write with a broken pencil is pointless!” And the best sign I have ever seen was hanging in the window of truck stop café, it said “Open 24 hours – Closed between 2 a.m. and 8 a.m.”
When I was in the hospital recently, I overheard another patient who had a problem with constipation and had been given some stool softening medication, telling the nurse that he had a bowel movement about 5 a.m. “That’s great!” exclaimed the nurse. “Well,” said the patient, “I don’t know about that, I didn’t wake up until 6 a.m.!”
An inane direction printed on an over-the-counter laxative says in part, “Take once or twice daily with a glass of water, preferably at bedtime.” Excuse me?! Most people including me only have one bedtime in 24 hours, usually in the late evening, so how am I going to take this laxative twice in a day? Before an afternoon nap? What if I refuse to take a nap? Am I then guilty of resisting a rest?
