Let's see...how do I describe the sensation...?
Oh wait...I know.
It feels a bit like that (slightly wonky) sensation that leaves you stumbling when you finally manage to get off of a roller coaster that was just WAY more intense than you thought it would be.
Although frankly, I found that taking Emily to camp and then driving away threw me off-balance much more than ANY roller coaster EVER has.
I'm not sure if I would actually qualify as a 'helicopter parent'. I do know that I try very hard not to hover around my daughter. There are certainly days when I find this much harder to pull off than I would like. But overall, I think I've done as well as could be expected.
Even so, it is certainly true that Emily and I spend a great deal of time together. It's not something that either one of us really want to see changed. I am very aware that the 'teen years' (during which I may very well lose every shred of intelligence that I currently possess) are looming. But honestly, as of today, I remain convinced that she and I might actually be able to hold on to what we have as we pass through those years.
After all...since losing Emily's father in 2014 and then losing my son Dustin in 2016 we have both become very aware of just how important it is to treasure the time you have with the people you love.
Nonetheless, when Em first asked me if she might be able to go to camp again this summer, I said “Yes” without hesitation. There are so many benefits that she stands to gain from the experience. How could I not agree to let her go?
Camp offers her an opportunity to explore her possibilities. She can live through some experiences that will help her to understand just who it is that she was created to be in this world without having to glance back at me for approval.
And of course...camp is a LOT of fun.
Yet, it was not just for Emily's sake that I agreed to let her go to camp.
In truth, I know that I will benefit from “camp” just as much as she will.
With Emily away at camp, I'm free to explore my own possibilities. I can sort through the mess that's been sitting in my 'To Do' file and decide what still makes some sense and what really doesn't.
Most important of all I can connect (or in some cases re-connect) with the woman that I was created to be...without having to stay inside the boundaries of my role as “Mom”. It's this freedom that I have craved the most. It's also the portion of this whole experience that has left me feeling the most unstable.
I've actually been shocked to uncover some of the ways that life's circumstances have taken root in me. Some of the changes that have grown up out of these are good...some aren't. So for me, “camp” has been an opportunity to work with God, and allow some emotional and spiritual 'housecleaning' to be done. What's nice is that...whether you're talking about your kitchen OR your soul...a little time spent cleaning makes an amazing difference.
And it's THAT difference that will make ALL the difference for both of us.
It's true that camp only lasts a few days. By this time next week, Emily and I will both be back inside our normal contexts.
But we'll be doing it...as different people.
Both of us will “come home from camp” with a new perspective. We'll both have grown and learned things about ourselves that will last a lifetime.
You never see any of this advertised as part of the “summer camp experience”.
Maybe...it should be.
