By Max Himsl
So this is it. ArtFarm IV is just days away and the citizens of Weyburn seem oblivious or unconcerned and a few strange, misguided folk are even excited.
In the highest spirit of tabloid journalism I returned to Art Farm, determined to expose the dark underbelly of the cult while there is still time to act. A clandestine visit on a moonless night, far from the clutches of the security minders reveals more mysterious features around the yard.
The approach was made through the pasture designated as a parking lot and it was here the investigation began. Something about the proportions seemed peculiar and there was a strange series of crop-circle like markings scattered about in geometric patterns.
Careful measurement and indiscriminate use of the Internet reveal the amazing fact that the “parking lot” is exactly 1.2677 times the height of the Great Pyramid of Cheops. Coincidence? Not likely.
The markings placed by the ArtFarm cultists can mean only one thing. Alien landing pad.
Leaving the parking lot and approaching the yard one cannot but help be dismayed by the forest of signage. Everywhere one’s eyes fall there is a simple, cheerful, informative sign in view. Many are outwardly humorous. However, the skeptical observer is wise to these simple tricks. Donning a pair of polarized sunglasses and viewing the signs in complete darkness reveals hidden subliminal messages in each sign!
For instance, the sign above the music stage has a message that says “Dance and Sing.” People are not going to spontaneously have a good time; they are being programmed to do it by these nefarious mind control experiments. Elsewhere were messages such as “think” and “explore” and “experiment,” and other such deviant ideas, all waiting to pour through the innocent eyes into the absorbent minds of the good people lured to this disreputable display. Beware.
There are similar sneaky traps all around. If you still feel so bold as to attend make sure your mind is firmly closed. Do not accept proffered candy.
In the end one can only present the evidence and let the reader decide the truth. We have seen the head-in-the-clouds visionary leaders and the unstoppable zombie determination of the minions that have resulted in this strange event descending on us all like an avalanche. One more week of peace and tranquility before the punk-hillbilly crossover culture of ArtFarm IV grabs Weyburn by the nose and says “Here, look at this.” You don’t want a punk doing that, do you?
Avoid Art Farm. Stay safe from punk-hillbilly artists. Always read the instructions.
