By Max Himsl
Once more, dear friends and neighbours, honesty and transparency force us to reveal the identities of the individuals responsible for the production of ArtFarm IV, renowned and celebrated in story and song. In the coming weeks this exposure will continue as the identities of all the artists, administrators and corral cleaners of this cabal will be revealed in detail.
You, gentle reader, will be shocked and titillated by the secrets revealed and the amazing facts behind the shadowy group known only as “The Board of Directors.” Filling perhaps the single most important position on the board of directors for ArtFarm IV is Lisa Lindsay, the treasurer.
In what seems like an unlikely cross pollination of abilities Lindsay finds her artistic expression entirely fulfilled by double entry bookkeeping and cost accountancy.
The manager of Dulux Paints takes her inspiration from the classic lines of spreadsheets and computer screens. “Notice the symmetry,” she says, “and the flow that draws the eye inevitably to the bottom line, the focal point.”
Her eyes glitter and dance, sometimes pointing in different directions, as she giggles manically and taps new numbers into colour coordinated columns and rows. “Accounting is a very creative and spiritually satisfying activity. The flow of debits and credits, the flux of profit and loss, these are the meaning and expression of life!”
Standing in stark contrast to the effusive and bubbly Ms. Lindsay sits the stolid, humorless bulk of Wanda McLenaghan.
Mother of 12 children and grandmother of 48 grandchildren, Wanda looks forward to acting as the director of Kids Activities and she gives every assurance of ability to keep the little ones busy and amused. Drawing on her extensive experience she plans an excellent program of environmentally friendly and sustainable activities.
“We can give the kids pickle jars and whoever catches the most grasshoppers gets a nickel,” she says, looking around the table expectantly.
“Or we could have a contest. Whoever shells the most peas gets to use the bathwater first.” Some other board members shift uncomfortably at her suggested activities. “What,” she barks? “You want them to paint a fence or rocks, I suppose? Kids want to do fun things.”
Finally, overlooking the mobs of unpaid, slouching zombies that are the forced labour … errr volunteers at ArtFarm IV is Andria Brady. A stern, dread inspiring figure dressed in a black leather cat suit with spike-heeled boots and wielding a riding crop she strides purposefully about her duties.
As the executive director of the Wor-Kin Shop, she is well accustomed to extracting top performance from her people and she brings her ability to inspire loyalty and obedience to the willing staff of ArtFarm IV.
In the unconstricted freedom to experiment that ArtFarm IV creates, her abilities have blossomed. Her devoted minions kneel before her and plead for further duties or for chastisement for their failures. She dispenses both with a cold, cruel smile.
“The secret to organizing volunteers,” she says, “is to be firm. If the anim … labour …”(she pauses and smiles sardonically at her faux pas) “volunteers are treated gently they do not think their work is important. Discipline and iron will!”
“This is what keeps volunteers inspired,” she says.
In the next issue of ArtFarm report will be “You’re not going to show that, are you?”
ArtFarm IV will be held June 11, 2016, 1-8 p.m. Admission is a toonie, with ages six and under free. It is located at the van der Breggen farm, located south on Highway 35, west on TWP080 south at white barn. Van rides will be available every hour from the mall.
Residents who are interested in volunteering, sponsoring or donating can email [email protected]. For more information on ArtFarm, check out their website www.ArtFarmfestival.com or ArtFarm Facebook page.
