For many, Christmas is a time of joy. It’s a time of giving gifts, visiting rarely-seen loved ones, and spreading holiday cheer. But for some lonely souls, it’s just a painful reminder of those they’ve lost. Thankfully, the Saskatoon Health Region has given people a way to share their pain and remember those who are no longer with them. It’s called the Memory Tree.
The Memory Tree began in Saskatoon approximately 20 years ago. It’s an evergreen bearing dove-shaped cards of remembrance. Anyone can fill one out and perhaps share his or her grief with another person.
“We don’t really look at what people write. Sometimes they’re listing the names of people they’re remembering; sometimes they’re leaving messages for people,” said Meredith Wild, manager of palliative care services for the Saskatoon Health Region. “They can then take their completed card and find a spot on the tree. We’ve watched people who have place their card come back to see if it’s still there to remember and just appreciate it being there.”
The Memory Tree is at the heart of palliative care— it’s about soothing another person’s pain. This time, however, it’s about treating pain that’s more than skin-deep. It’s become so popular that when the health region thought of moving it to a different location in the mall, Wild said there was a huge outcry because people thought it was gone. Every year they get about 200 to 300 doves.
“You wonder if there’s an appreciation in this day and age and it seems like there is,” she said.
According to Wild, the Memory Tree has been a part of the city’s Christmas for so long that it’s become part of the Christmas tradition for many people. Children can also colour their own messages in memory of their grandparents, parents, etc.
Probably the most important aspect of the Memory Tree is that it gives people a chance to continue grieving in their own way when it seems as if the rest of the world has moved on without them.
“Sometimes people feel like they’re extremely sad and really hurting from a loss whereas other people in their family may be appearing to grieve in a different way or are appearing to be moving forward,” said Wild. “In our society, we just seemed to think that we’re just supposed to get over things and put it behind us quickly, but that’s just not how it is. Everybody grieves at their own pace and in their own time and they all grieve differently too. There’s no one way.”
Since the entire Memory Tree service is volunteer-based, Wild says the hardest thing about it is for people to find the time. While the volunteer basis varies from week to week depending on what’s going on, it does even out and they still get a good overall turnout. Nevertheless, Wild says it’s important to take that time to connect to others.
“It’s always a source of real amazement and gratitude for me because our world is very busy and I wonder if we leave enough space for remembering and acknowledging the losses we experience,” said Wild. “I don’t think you get over things; I think they get rolled into who you are and that takes time. Part of healing is just talking and having someone hear your story.”
The tree is left up until Dec. 24 for people to add to it, appreciate it, or offer support to those who need it. Humboldt has also had a Memory Tree of its own for the last few years and this year it is once again set up in the Humboldt Mall.
“Every year it’s the same tree and every year people write new messages,” said Wild.
