"If it grows in you, you look after it." These are Therese Elias's words to describe motherhood.
The North Battleford resident has given birth to five children, two of whom were diagnosed with autism.
Since awareness of the prevalence of the autism spectrum of disorders, and government funding for intervention and services is growing in dollars and priority, one might wonder if she has turned to an early childhood intervention program, or any of the other services becoming more and more available to parents with autistic children.
But, when her children were born, those programs were only fledging, or were not even yet an idea.
Today, she is an 80-year-old active senior who spent most of adult life raising her kids with her now late husband, Harry, manager in a propane business. As parents, they believed in doing whatever it took to make a good life out of whatever fate handed them.
Their first child, a healthy, happy baby, Brenda, was born in 1955. It was a relatively easy delivery. Brenda now resides in British Columbia.
Their second child, Brian, was not so easy to deliver. Born in 1957, he was bigger than Brenda, and soon developed serious physical and cognitive issues, requiring surgeries and control for seizures.
When, in 1959, Elias delivered twin girls, Jaclyn and Jocelyn (who now live in Alberta). They were not as big as Brian, the birth was easier, and their health was fine.
But, doctors told Elias she would not be able to look after the twins and care for Brian, too, with all his special needs. Sadly, the Eliases had to agree he should be admitted to a long-term care facility in Moose Jaw. It was a heart-rending decision.
Elias's son Virgil was born in 1966. Like her other son, and unlike her daughters, he was a bigger baby. He was still in an incubator on the second day after his birth, Elias says, and she knew there was something wrong, though the staff weren't saying much about his condition.
Then began the journey of diagnosis many parents have found themselves travelling. A number of trips to the Alvin Buckwold Centre in Saskatoon as an outpatient resulted in the diagnosis of autism. The seizures he had experienced were controlled with medication. For a time she had to take him to monthly appointments at the Saskatchewan Hospital in North Battleford for injections.
"He didn't like it," she said.
But the Elias family carried on, with Virgil being a part of everything they did.
"We took him everywhere," says Elias.
They had to keep a sharp eye, she says, because he was one who is often referred to as a "runner." He loved being outdoors, and whenever the opportunity presented itself, he was off as fast as his little legs would carry him. His family, usually his mom, a stay-at-home homemaker, simply tracked him down and brought him home.
"Outside, you didn't have enough eyes," she laughs.
He mostly went places he had already been to, usually a neighbour's place or somewhere they had visited previously.
Despite his propensity to run, Virgil was otherwise fairly easy to care for when he was young, says his mom. He was quiet, not vocal, was able to dress himself and get his own snacks.
"He knew what he wanted," she says.
He had preoccupations, such as a love of strings, shoelaces and other similar items. He also developed a life-long love of banana splits.
He went everywhere the family went, and his older sisters looked out for him, too. The girls were particularly watchful for people who would stare or make fun of their younger sibling. To them, Virgil was simply part of the family life they had always known, included by their parents in everything they did.
But as he grew older, Virgil began showing more withdrawal and agitation and became more aggressive, says Elias. She remembers him batting at her with his hands while she was driving the car. And he would no longer sit at the family table during mealtimes.
When he was about 16, she says, he began to be prescribed an increasing amount of medication in reaction to behavioural issues displayed while taking part in educational programming. Elias is not convinced all were necessary, but followed the experts' advice.
About that time, she also found herself pressured by health professionals and others to consider institutionalizing Virgil. But she stood firm. She would keep him with the family as long as she could. After the age of 18, some funding was available to help care for him in the home. (That funding is still available through Saskatchewan Assured Income for Disability, which has recently been expanded to include people who are living independently.)
It was not until Virgil was in his mid-20s that Elias and her husband found themselves unable to continue the care of their son. It was heartbreaking for her and her husband, but they had to admit living with Virgil had become too physically demanding for their ages.
"It was a very hard decision," Elias says, looking back at the two-decade-old life-changing event.
Fortunately, they were able to turn to the Battlefords Residential Services Inc. There was a place for him in one of the organization's group homes - Laurentian House. It's very nice, says Elias. It's clean and welcoming, and he has his own bedroom. And the staff are wonderful, she says.
Virgil settled in well, she said. He takes part in the programming there, including the Bridge program, which is community-based, allowing him and his fellow residents to take part in activities outside the residential setting.
It was a good move for Virgil, but the Elias household seemed empty for a long time after she and her husband made that big decision. The loss of Brian nine years ago left another vacancy in their lives and, soon after, Harry Elias passed away.
Two years ago, Therese moved into a seniors' complex next door to her church and is very happy in her new surroundings, taking part in the social activity there and helping to look after the church next door. She recently celebrated her 80th birthday hosted by her friends in new home.
Virgil is now in his mid-40s. He still lives at Laurentian House. His mom visits him weekly, and he always has a kiss for her.
Elias says she doesn't really know what that kiss means to him, but it means a lot to her.
