Why is it that changes are so hard to make? That's a great question isn't it? After all, life is all about change from the cradle to the grave. Indeed, every cell in our body is replaced every seven years, and we seldom look the same from decade to decade. Inherently we are changing beings in a changing world, so change should be natural - but it's often not.
I need to drop at least 30 pounds, I keep telling myself it is necessary for optimum health, but somehow it's too easy to forget about it and carry on the way I am. I need to get more serious about marketing my paperbacks, but again it's too easy to stay with the normal flow. It's too comfortable to avoid doing the things that need to be done, because those things demand change.
A friend of mine is planning a career change right now, it has not been an easy process. Another friend recently went from married to single, it was a hard move to make. A third friend is going to move to the east coast, but the changes they need to make are within, and moving will not help unless they change their habits.
What do you need to change? What decisions are you putting off? Do you keep on saying that you need to stop smoking? Then how come you still buy the cigarettes? Do you have to lose weight? So how come you still eat dessert? Do you keep complaining about a bad marriage? Then how come you are still in it? Change is so hard sometimes. I guess there are several factors involved in making a major change, and these ideas might be helpful to consider.
First, you have to really want to do something. It is so easy to talk about making changes we think we should make, but if we are not making those changes, we might not really want to make them at all. On the other hand, if there's something we really want, it is amazing how quickly we can find ways to make it happen. What does this mean? The changes we talk about making "some day" might only be that... talk. Maybe we voice them because other people think we should, or because it's part of our own fantasy, but if the burning desire is not there, change will never happen.
Second, we might just be too comfortable where we are now. Let's face it, we all have our own comfort zone, and it is far easier to sit on the couch watching TV and eating popcorn, than it is to work out at the gym. We might say we need a job change, but it is more comfortable to stay where we are and take the pay, than it is to find another career. We might say we want to leave our spouse, but something inside may say "They are still better than going through the whole dating scene again."
Thirdly, we always think we have all the time in the world. It is easy to put off making a change when we are in our twenties, even thirties. After all, we have all the time in the world. Trust me, the next two decades go by very quickly indeed. It's amazing how different it feels when you have more years behind you than you have ahead of you, and you know you still did not make some changes that should have been done years ago.
Fourth, there's that old devil called fear. It's frightening to launch out in a different direction. Remember the first time you tried diving off the diving board at the pool? Or how about the first time you cycled without training wheels? It takes courage and determination to actually make the change, and fear is a great inhibitor. "I need to make the change" we say, but then just as quick we add "but what if it does not work out?" So we stay where we are, and keep on complaining.
Again I ask, what changes do you say you want to make? Identify them. Now ask yourself...
Do you really want to make that change?
Are you too comfortable staying as you are, instead of making that change?
Are you really so sure you have all the time in the world to keep putting it off?
Are you so entrenched in fear that you cannot move ahead and change?
These are very pertinent questions that we should take time to answer. If the answers tell us that we do indeed want to change, then we should start moving on whatever it takes to do it. On the other hand, if we find that we really don't want to change at all, then we should stop complaining and stop fooling ourselves. Either way, we'll be better for it in the long run.
