It's Masters week, which means it's a) the unofficial start of spring; b) golf's first major of the season; and c) the beginning of wall-to-wall Golf Channel coverage of Tiger Woods.
Woods, who went nearly three years without a PGA Tour triumph, is the most famous and most polarizing athlete on the planet (at least in the western world) and got himself into a little bit of trouble a couple of years ago, as you may have heard. His golf game went south and it seems like a good time to talk about his golf game, but I need knee surgery, so maybe some other time.
Since his "trouble," Woods underwent a swing change with Canadian instructor Sean Foley and last December finally won something - a limited field (18 of the world's best) tournament in California that he hosts. So the Tiger fans started getting excited again, with the Masters only four months away.
So we were thinking about exploring that angle of his comeback, but then I strained my achilles tendon, so maybe later.
In early March, Tiger shot a 62 in the final round of the Honda Classic to roar back from nine strokes behind to finish second to Rory McIlroy and put his fans into a state of near hysteria, with the Masters only a month away. But then he pulled out of the Cadillac World Golf Championship at Doral midway through the final round and the air went out of that balloon.
Two weeks later, though, Woods not only contended, but finally won his first tournament since September, 2009, taking the Arnold Palmer Invitational by five strokes two weeks before the Masters, making him the overwhelming oddsmakers' favourite for the Green Jacket at Augusta. His fans were giddy. Jack Nicklaus's record of 18 major titles was in Tiger's sight again.
So should we discuss that situation here? Yes, of course. Ooops! What was that? Sorry, just crashed into a fire hydrant. There's water everywhere. And there's some blonde chasing me with a nine-iron.
Talk to you later. After the Masters. Tell me how Tiger fares, OK?
Mike Bianchi of the Orlando Sentinel, lamenting that Tiger moved away from Orlando and didn't leave much in the way of a legacy: "He has his Tiger Woods Foundation in L.A.. He has huge TigerJam fund-raiser in Vegas. He has his PGA Tour event in D.C. He has branches of his Tiger Woods Learning Center for children in California, Pennsylvania, Washington, D.C. and now in South Florida. Meanwhile, in Orlando, the only remembrance we have is the Tiger Woods Commemorative Fire Hydrant."
Jim Trotter of SI.com, on Peyton Manning: "He is the quintessential pocket passer. He is more likely to run for office than he is for a first down."
Comedy writer : ". . . Manning signed a $96 million, five-year contract with the Denver Broncos. Maybe the mile-high altitude will bring out that legendary Peyton Manning warmth and charisma."
Perisho again: A 100-year-old grandmother will be a torchbearer carrying the Olympic flame through the streets of London. Her 300-metre leg of the relay will start on July 2 and end on July 11 or 12, depending on the wind."
R.J. Currie of sportsdeke.com: "According to a Stanford University professor, high-performance vehicles don't move much, but mostly stand around doing nothing 97 per cent of the time. In a related story, the Niners signed Randy Moss."
David Whitley, FanHouse, on the New York Jets acquisition of Tim Tebow: "Love or hate Tebow, Rex Ryan needed to tone down the circus he's created. Instead, he's bringing in the biggest elephant in the NFL room. . . . If the coaching staff thought (Mark) Sanchez's arm was erratic, wait until Tebow throws his first screen pass into the East River."
Scott Ostler of the San Francisco Chronicle: "The Broncos didn't care where Tebow went, as long as he left town quickly, before God buried Denver in a massive avalanche."
Mike Bianchi of the Orlando Sentinel, on the Tebow trade to the Jets: "New Yorkers have already noticed a much more wholesome aura in their city since Timmy Terrific came to town. The smog has cleared, taxi drivers are staying in their own lanes and Antonio Cromartie is practising contraception."
Reggie Hayes of the Fort Wayne (Ind.) News-Sentinel, on Manning going from the Colts to the Broncos: "Turns out Manning will play for teams only with horse-related nicknames."
Headline at TheOnion.com: "Peyton Manning re-injures neck saying no to Titans."
Budd Bailey of the Buffalo (N.Y.) News, after Kansas football coach Charlie Weis says people only think of him as 'some arrogant, obnoxious, loudmouth punk from New Jersey': "Not so, Charlie - we didn't know you were from New Jersey."
ABC's Jimmy Kimmel, on CBS raking in more than $600 million in ad revenue from the NCAA tournament: "Of that, the players receive - what's zero per cent of $600 million?"
Brad Miller, a congressman from North Carolina who happens to be a UNC alumnus: "If Duke was playing against the Taliban then I'd have to pull for the Taliban."
