The supposedly darkest day in the history of the world - Dec. 21, 2012, the day according to the Mayan calendar that the world will end - is fast approaching, but negativity in sports was all the rage on one particular day in late November.
Sports is generally about achievement and accomplishment - championships! - but on Nov. 28, every time a sportscaster opened his mouth or a newspaper desker penned a headline, the words 'won't', 'can't' and 'no' were everywhere.
Golf's venerable protecting agencies, the U.S. Golf Association and the Royal and Ancient announced its ban on anchoring a long putter in the belly or the chest while a putting stroke was in progress. This has been a hot topic for the last couple of years, with golf traditionalists claiming 'anchoring' of the putter went against the spirit of golf, which encourages unencumbered 'strokes.' The anti-anchoring lobby got louder and more persistent when Keegan Bradley used a long putter anchored in his belly to win the 2011 PGA championship and became ear-splittingly loud when Webb Simpson used the same sort of implement to win the U.S. Open this past summer.
Meanwhile, on the Major League Baseball front, many observers were saying 'no way' to the Hall of Fame eligibility of Roger Clemens, Barry Bonds and Sammy Sosa, who were on the Cooperstown ballot for the first time. All three have career stats that would normally make them first-ballot automatic inductees to the hallowed Hall, but their history or suspicion of using performance enhancing drugs means almost certainly they won't receive the required 75 per cent of ballots cast for induction.
While those two stories were gathering gobs of negativity in the United States, Canadian sports fans heard nothing but bad news from the National Hockey League labour front, where even a mediator said he was unable to make any progress with the intransigent owners and players.
There were 'no's everywhere on Nov 28. No hockey. No more meetings scheduled. No hope, at least for the foreseeable future.
But let's end this on a positive note: As for Dec. 21, 2012? A bunch of bunk. You don't have to cancel those plans to go skiing over Christmas.
Headline at Fark.com: "Clippers top this week's NBA power rankings. Maybe those Mayans knew something we don't."
Bill Simmons, ESPN.com: "Gary Bettman . . . is the worst commissioner in sports history, and really, it's going to remain that way unless Roger Goodell extends the NFL's season to 20 games, adds Wednesday- and Friday-night football to the schedule, pays a hitman to murder Jonathan Vilma, and gets outed for having a heated affair with his biographer, Peter King . . . and even then, I'd probably still give the edge to Bettman."
Comedy writer Jim Barach: "Michael Jordan was banned from a Florida country club for wearing cargo pants that he refused to change. Actually, he wasn't banned. He was just told he could come back in 20 years when cargo pants come back in style."
R.J. Currie of sportsdeke.com: "In case you missed it, Jaguars quarterback Blaine Gabbert is out for the season. He was sidelined with swelling in his forearm and shrinking in his passer rating."
Rick Reilly, ESPN.com: "To take four people to a Dallas Cowboys game with hot dogs and Cokes and some souvenirs will run you $634.78. My God, you could get a 50-inch HDTV at Best Buy for $550 and have enough left to buy 84 beers."
Greg Cote of The Miami Herald, on the notion the Marlins might plow the cash accrued from their big salary dump into signing major free agents: "Marlins fans who trust that will happen should hold a meeting tonight at the Gullible Tavern, corner booth."
Utah State linebacker Bojay Filimoeatu, to the Deseret News, on getting tackled on the Idaho 11 after a 48-yard interception return: "I think I could have scored on that had I not eaten that last plate on Thanksgiving."
Thomas Boswell of The Washington Post, on the hockey labor impasse: "Hiring Don Fehr, the Sun Tzu of jock labour, to face NHL owners in a lockout is like getting the Godfather to help you fix a parking ticket."
Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times: "Two overweight shoplifters snatched a bunch of cameras from a Wal-Mart in Oklahoma by hiding them in the rolls of their belly fat. Or as it's known in NFL circles, the Refrigerator Perry hidden-ball trick."
Janice Hough of leftcoastsportsbabe.com: "A-Rod and his latest girlfriend, Torrie Wilson, a former Playboy model and professional wrestler, spent the weekend in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico. No word on the size of their suite, but presume it had plenty of mirrors."
Ian Hamilton of the Regina Leader-Post, who snipped this from the Hamilton Spectator: "CFL Alumni Association president Leo Ezerins, whose organization held a get-together during Grey Cup week that attracted more than 80 former players to a Toronto bar: 'Some of these guys haven't seen each other in decades. There's a lot of old faces with new teeth.'
