When I was a much younger man, I had a full head of red hair. I guess it's the Scotsman in me, those Celtic genes just had to show through, the same ones that are responsible for my lack of hair now. When you think of a redhead, chances are you'll also think of someone that has a short fuse, someone that can easily blow up, and be prone to anger. Sadly, this is also something I've had to struggle with my entire life.
In our family we had a name for it; we called it "The Kerr Temper." It was almost legendary, and in a previous generation it came out rather quickly and often with punches flying. I remember the stories my Dad and uncles used to tell, stories of how as boys in the 1930s, they rarely started a fight, but could always finish it. There was a strong sense of family in the Kerrs, if my Aunt was pestered at school, the brothers would see to it that the culprit never did it again.
That was a different generation and a different time. In my life I have only punched a person once, back in my early teens. I despise violence and never want to resort to it, holding the belief that it solves nothing. However, the same ethic and characteristic of "defending the family" runs just as deep in my psyche as it did in my Dad. In my case when the fuse blows, it comes out in words, with straight talk that can cut a person in two, and the tenacity to keep on verbally slicing until the match is over. It's not something I'm overly proud of.
And yes, I have used it too. Schools are a favourite target. I remember once in Ontario when my daughter was being bullied and the principal did nothing about it. I verbally let rip at the woman, and when she asked if I was threatening her with regard to losing her job, I said yes. Other schools have tasted the brunt of The Kerr Temper, and sometimes they deserved it too. Thankfully, the temper is controlled most of the time, but God help the person or institution that offends my wife or my daughter. Don't get me wrong, I don't blow up often, a couple of times a year maybe, and afterwards I feel like an idiot. And that's the lesson that maybe I still need to learn.
Anger is a magnificent emotion, if you want to destroy things. Anger has ended lives, ruined marriages and driven a divide among the best of friends. Anger has led to extreme violence and war. There is very little positive to say about anger, because for many people they cannot control it. I count myself very fortunate to have kept my anger in check most of the time, and even more lucky that I can set bounds on it, never allowing it to escalate into physical violence.
But how much harm does anger really do? It is like a festering cancer inside the one holding onto it. It sends negative vibration through the whole body, and robs a person of inner peace. I have had to apologise several times for my outbursts, but what is rarely understood by those to whom I apologise, is the deep sense of pain I feel inside when I let anger control my words, and temper overtake my emotions.
Many of you might relate to this. I share this little bit of my own weakness to encourage you, to let you know you are not alone. Inner peace is precious and I experience it 99.99 percent of the time, and I would wish that for you also. Just watch your temper, look for the catalysts that start it off, and find ways to control it. Awareness is the first step, and I encourage you to take it.
