The following column contains some of the most depressing news you may have read today. Reading this column could result in hysterical crying, sulking, plate throwing or excessive watching of The Notebook. Anyone lacking mental stability is asked to refrain from reading the contents of this column.
You have been warned.
I have some bad news.
You may have heard already and may already be deep into your grief. I, however, just read the news online right now and am freshly awash with bone-aching depression.
The worst possible thing has happened, forever changing my life, and the lives of so many terrific women around the world.
Having discussed this news with a friend already, I've been informed that the only way to cope with this devastation is to take a personal day. Unfortunately, it's the time of the year when all group projects are due, and skipping class just isn't an option.
Brace yourselves...
According to the Internet, Ryan Gosling is taking a break from acting.
GASP!
I know. When I woke up this morning and began my day, I had no idea that this bomb was in store. I wish I had never left the comfort and safety of my covers.
A break? From acting? Why? How? For how long?
My mind is constantly rushing through all the possibilities, and each is pretty bleak.
What movies will I look for in the near future? No sequel to Crazy, Stupid, Love?
No more new images of a scrumptious six-pack, adorable charm and memorable one-liners?
Who's going to build Ally's dream house while you're gone, Ryan, like you did in The Notebook? Who's going to repeatedly sweep Emma Stone off her feet, like in Crazy, Stupid, Love and Gangster Squad? What movie am I going to beg to see at the theatre instead of always having to see an action flick?
I feel betrayed. How can The Gosling do this to us?
Personally, I blame Eva Mendes, his girlfriend, for no reason other than she is his girlfriend and annoyingly pretty. She is probably tired of sharing his perfection with the world, and wants to horde him all to herself. DON'T BE SO NEEDY, EVA MENDES!
I don't know how I'm going to mend this broken heart of mine. Probably with wine.
Just kidding. Arbor Mist doesn't really count as wine.
Tonaya Marr really only goes to the gym to watch TLC on the monitor of the treadmill. She doesn't get that channel anymore and misses watching Say Yes to the Dress because it freaks her boyfriend out. To contact Tonaya (and she would love it if you did), send her an e-mail at tonaya.marr@gmail.com or tweet her @TonayaMarr.
